To the angry dude who was tailgating me at 60 mph on the freeway this AM:
To the Iranian lady who runs the Cousins Sub shop where I had lunch today:
'Every time I'm in your store you make me smile with your friendly manner - and your Subs are the best.'
To soon-to-be former Senator Larry Craig:
'Give up the I'm-not-gay act, dude, cause you just sound pathetic.'
To the kids - including my own - in the McDonald's Play area:
'Why do you have to scream so bluddy loud like that?'
To Regina Spektor:
'Discovering your music was (and is) like falling in love: it makes me feel all giddy and does my head in.'
To all the people I badgered about Y2K:
'Sorry I was such a PITA about it all, but I really *did* think things might go kablooey. Will you ever let me live it down?'
To the lovely high school senior who spent a week with her sister and parents at a writing conference held at my college in May 1979, the year I graduated:
'It was fun getting to hang out with you and your sister during that week at the college, watching TV and playing pool during my work breaks. I remember thinking you were really sweet and pretty. I remember you being kind of shy and slightly embarrassed when I gave you a carnation in front of your parents, the night before you guys went back to North Carolina. And I remember really wishing you'd come to Minnesota the next year for university, and regretting not asking for your address so I could write you. And I'm sorry to say that I simply cannot remember your name.'
To the bicyclists zipping in and out of traffic - and up onto sidewalks - all over this town:
'I'll start respecting you when you start obeying the traffic laws of this great state we both live in. Yeah, I know, it's not easy to do when, um, well, uh, you own a bike. Yeah, that's it.'
To Apple president Steve Jobs:
'I get the distinct impression that you really are a pompous ass, but I still give you props for running the company that produces some of the coolest products ever made.'
To the smokers outside the building where I work:
'What's wrong with you people? Even if there weren't a receptacle by each door, it would still be just wrong to pitch your cig butts into the street!'